alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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