i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
