My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't deserve a penis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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