Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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