Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
