I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
