I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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