I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize