I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize