Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
