We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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