i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
