Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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