the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize