Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
