I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
