C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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