I wish I could punch you in the face.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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