i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
