OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
