Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
