i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
