he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
