I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
