yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
