listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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