I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
