I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize