The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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