me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
