we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize