what if every blade of grass was a penis?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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