awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
