In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
