Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
