you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pants are for mortals
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
