If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
