i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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