When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
