It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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