Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
