You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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