I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
