1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
