Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize