so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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