I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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