The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
