she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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