we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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