Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize