He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize