Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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