I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
