Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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