If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
