one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
