out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
