i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
