wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
