so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
