just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
