I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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